廣弘明集 27.21

27.21

信來枉告良用憮然。余學慚技癢人非准的。中雖曾講授不異管內𨶳天。豈足作範後昆踵武前哲。蓋身疾弗瘳門人引去。一師盛業廢而莫傳。五十之年忽焉將至。長夜永懷惆悵何已。未有好事者日相請逼。遂以罷老復成自勵。如法師數子本出名家。洛下奇才當今利齒。必欲探覈論部任持律藏。方為美器日見絕塵。復有海表奇僧聚中開士。皆學無常師。不遠而至訪道質疑。足稱一時之樂。不意胡兵犯蹕虜馬飲江。塔廟焚如義徒道殣。即日京華故老倚席不談乃復爰訪幽痾。令其訓導久廢無次。何以誨人。故乃荊棘生乎口中。雌黃謬於舌杪矣。煎水求氷未足為喻。佇能近顧方陳寸欵。瑗白。

Your letter arriving to honour me with its news truly left me disheartened. In my learning, I am ashamed of being eager to display my meagre skill, and as a person, I am no model. Although I once gave lectures, it was no different from peeking at the sky through a tube. How could it suffice to serve as a pattern for later generations or to follow in the footsteps of the former wise? My bodily illness has not healed, and my disciples have led each other away; the flourishing work of a single master has fallen into disuse without transmission. The age of fifty is suddenly upon me; through long nights of endless contemplation, how could my dejection ever end? Had enthusiastic people not pressed me daily with requests, I would merely have been an old and tired man once more urging himself on. You, Dharma Master, and several others originally hail from renowned families, being rare talents of Luoyang and the sharpest minds of today. If you resolve to investigate the treatises thoroughly and uphold the vinaya pitaka, you will become fine vessels and daily be seen outstripping the mundane world. There are also extraordinary monks from across the seas and bodhisattvas from among the assemblies, none of whom had fixed teachers, who have come from afar to seek the Way and resolve their doubts; this was indeed enough to be called the joy of an era. Unexpectedly, barbarian troops have offended the imperial retinue, and enemy horses drink from the Yangtze; stupas and shrines are burned down, and doctrinal followers lie starved by the roadside. Today, the venerable elders of the capital sit by their mats in silence; yet you once again turn to inquire of a recluse with an ailment, asking him to guide and instruct. Having long abandoned it without order, how could I teach others? Thus thorns grow in my mouth, and realgar errors slip from the tip of my tongue. Boiling water to seek ice is insufficient as an analogy. Looking forward to your visit nearby, I shall then present my petty sincerity. Yuan speaks.