廣弘明集 29.12

29.12

Conceptions arise conditioned by feelings, and feelings arise conditioned by conceptions; that kinds of things resonate with each other is indeed naturally so. Whenever I read the *Biographies of Filial Sons*, I never fail to lay down the scroll, cease reading, beat my breast in sorrow and regret, and sob aloud. Before I had lost my baby teeth, within the household I lost my mother upon whom I relied; my lingering breath tottered along, and foster-nurses raised me. When my years had passed twenty, outside the household I lost the father upon whom I depended. Bound by my official duties in Jingman, I was forced to neglect attending him morning and evening. The journey along the Yangzi was distant and far-off, and from home there came no definite news. Vague rumors on the road said that my late father was unwell in body. By day I abandoned food, and by night I went without sleep; my heart was troubled and distraught, with nowhere to shelter my body. Thereupon I submitted my resignation, resigned my post, and took to the road home. At that time, Prince Zilong of Suijun in the Qi dynasty, who was pacifying and governing Shaanxi, sent repeated and urgent messages commanding me to stay for one night, so that he could go out early the next morning to the river ferry to bid me farewell. But with my heart in such pressing dread, I could not obey his command. I was only able to secure a small boat and set out by the light of the stars. Braving the wind and waves by night, I had no leisure for rest. On the way, pausing at Dingling, the boat was further wrecked and damaged. At that time my retainer Zhou Zhonglian was garrison commander at Quetou; through him I was able to borrow a vessel and traveled day and night, repeatedly braving dangers, barely managing to cross. When I finally reached my destination, he was already gone beyond reach. My five viscera felt torn asunder, my liver and heart shattered to pieces. I wished then to withdraw myself below the mountains and conclude my days by the burial mound. But my eldest brother took pity on me and would not permit me to go alone. Soon after, wily northern invaders raided the borders. The court, knowing that my late father's lingering love was bound to the people, and that all remembered the past such that his former retainers still numbered several thousand, had general Wu Qingzong command them and remain in defense. An edict was then issued ordering me to defend Shouchun; the affairs of the king permitted no slackening, and my requests to decline could not be granted. The regional inspector Cui Huijing harbored treacherous intentions; he recruited fugitives from afar and gathered many lawless villains. Great knaves and vicious scoundrels gathered like clouds, including the likes of Peng Pen and Han Yuansun, too numerous to count. Marching at double speed like lightning, they arrived abruptly at the Huai and Fei rivers. The vicious mob became suspicious and alarmed, leading each other into flight and dispersal. Commanders of the central court's army such as Xu Xuanqing and Fang Boyu wished to launch a surprise attack on Huijing, but I firmly restrained them, and only then was conflict averted. That year, while the Qi Emperor Ming was serving as chancellor and deliberation remained unsettled, I secretly dispatched a memorial urging him to summon Huijing: if summoned with a simple slip of paper, he would surely not disobey or resist, and by then sending him back again, his mind would be reassured. Once the rogue leader departed, along the borders there was nothing to fear. Within ten days to a month, Huijing returned to his post. Thereupon I laid down my armor and returned to the capital. Driven onwards like this, I was unable to halt or rest. The allotted time met with great calamities, and the hour coincided with thunderous upheaval. Dispelling chaos and restoring right governance, I ultimately came to possess all within the four seas. I recall when Zilu met Kong Qiu and said: 'When You served his two parents, he constantly ate food of goosefoot and pigweed, and carried rice on his back from over a hundred li away for his parents. After his parents passed away, he traveled south to Chu, with a hundred carriages following him and ten thousand zhong of grain accumulated, sitting upon layered mats and dining before rows of cauldrons. Yet when he wished to eat food of goosefoot and pigweed and carry rice on his back for his parents, it could never be had again.' Whenever I am moved by these words, though alive I seem dead. How can the kindness of parents ever be repaid? Their compassion is like the rivers and seas; my filial piety is like a drop of dust. Today, being the lord of all under heaven, I am yet too late to make offerings to them. It is like having the seven treasures in a year of famine: when hungry one cannot eat them, and when cold one cannot wear them. Wailing aloud in eternal yearning, how can my sorrowful longing be dispelled? Thereupon, at the foot of Mount Zhong I founded the Grand Aijing Monastery, and by the side of Qingxi I constructed the Grand Zhiduo Monastery, to express my boundless feelings and fulfill my longing for those who have passed away. Still unable to banish the grief of the *Liao'e* ode, I further erected the Hall of Utmost Reverence within the palace, exhausting the skill of artisans and using every wonder of the worldly realm. Streams and stones wind and flow, and fragrant trees cluster thick. Yet constrained by state affairs, I also cannot attend their meals morning and evening; only on the new and full moons can I personally present offerings and libations. Though I am able to present rare delicacies, there is none to look up to. Within, my heart collapses, burning and scorching. With my feelings so keen within, the matter finds expression in words, and so I have composed this 'Rhapsody on Filial Thoughts'.