廣弘明集 29.8

29.8

In my youth I loved mountains and rivers and harbored fond thoughts of hills and valleys, but constrained by worldly snares I was unable to fulfill my intent. It diverged from the conduct of solitude and went against my wish for carefree abandon. Consequently, I entered official service to attend to royal affairs. Meeting with a time fraught with troubles, the ways of the world were obstructed and fraught with hardship. Engaged in military campaigns, there was scarcely a peaceful year. Above, the governance was dark and tyrannical; below, vile scoundrels were treacherous and rebellious. The way of the gentleman waned, and the way of the petty person waxed. The likes of Yuli Yingchi, Mei Chong'er, Ru Fazhen, Yu Lingyun, and Feng Yongzhi were what Master Zhi called "those whose heads are worn in chaos." Master Zhi was the śramaṇa Baozhi. His appearance and clothing were unpredictable, and his manifestations were without fixed form. At that time, petty men suspected his divine marvels and detained him in the outer quarters of Hualin Park. The master was also indignant, saying: "Heads worn in chaos! Heads worn in chaos!" Each took hold of the levers of power, and every person issued orders. Influence and favor were dispensed at will; life and death hung upon their words. Loyal and good men suffered massacre and beheading; meritorious ministers underwent execution without guilt. Their dress and colors were uniform, yet they galloped in different directions; all styled themselves the emperor's masters, each declaring himself supreme. Employing their deceits, they confused and disturbed the minds of the multitude. In their comings and goings on excursions of pleasure, they forgot dawn and dusk; in clearing the capital city, day and night were not spared. Those gasping their last breath expired by the roadside, their sons having no time to weep; those near full term gave birth along the paths, their mothers having no time to embrace them. The common people trembled as though their very horns were crumbling. The King Xuanwu of Changsha had great merit in the state, yet instead of receiving righteous recompense, a cruel disaster suddenly befell him, and even his younger brothers and nephews suffered that calamity. Thereupon, six or seven light emissaries including Huan Shen and Du Bofu were dispatched to Yongzhou to approach the various military leaders and plot harm against me. Because the hearts of the multitude were not with them, the plot did not succeed. Later they dispatched Liu Shanyang, openly intending to take me with valiant warriors fierce as tigers and bears, and sharp armor and weapons. [Against one's] sovereign and parent there is no contention; I was on the verge of binding myself to await execution. Yet this violence stemmed from petty minions. One fears being crushed and drowned, two of the three deaths not to be pitied—how much more so from treacherous scoundrels? To go quietly to death would make one the laughingstock of all under heaven. Shortly after, when Shanyang reached Jingzhou, he was seized by Xiao Yingzhou, who at once sent horse post-couriers along the post-roads to Yongzhou. Thereupon, I made a resounding declaration, raising the banners and erecting the standards. The four quarters were of one mind, answering like an echo to a sound. In the first month of the second year of the Yongyuan reign of Qi, we set out from Xiangyang. The righteous and brave gathered like clouds; our warships shadowed the Han River. Cao Zong, the governor of Jingling, and Yin Chang, commander of the cavalry, each led horse and foot along both banks to welcome us. The waves flowed against the current for forty li, stopping only when they reached the vessel I rode. A pair of white fish leapt into the boat's prow—an omen righteous as that at Mengjin, an event tallying with unseen response. Clouds stirred and heaven moved; thunder roared and the wind sped. Yingcheng was captured; Jiangzhou submitted. The armored troops at Gushu dispersed upon catching wind of us; the lay practitioner Li at Xinting bowed his head and surrendered. Once the solitary tyrant was removed, the myriad people breathed again. Thereupon I wished to return my intent to the gardens and forests, abandoning myself to the marshes and fields. Yet below I was pressed by the people's will, and above I stood in awe of Heaven's mandate. With matters having no other recourse, I succeeded to the Great Treasure. As if approaching a deep abyss, as if treading on thin ice, I still wished to abdicate the throne to await one who was capable. Had I yielded, things would surely have collapsed once more like a scattered shoal of fish, not merely leading to my death and disgrace, but also burdening both the unseen and the manifest. Thereupon I made a poem: / Day and night I constantly ponder, / Cycling through thoughts until exhausted. / Following it to the end, one might attain detachment; / But with detachment, it surely cannot be sustained. / Backing the imperial screen and presiding over court, wearing the beaded crown over the four seas, / from early dawn diligent and striving, into the dusk vigilant as if facing peril. / Guiding six horses with rotten reins / is no comparison for this. Commentators of the world compare me to Tang and Wu. Yet I cannot be compared to Tang and Wu, nor can Tang and Wu be compared to me. Tang and Wu were sages, whereas I am an ordinary person; in this, I cannot be compared to Tang and Wu. Furthermore, the duty between ruler and minister was not yet broken for Tang and Wu when the events of Nanchao and the white flags occurred; whereas for me, the duty between ruler and minister was already severed, after which I swept away the solitary tyrant to rid the world of affliction. By these two accounts, we cannot be compared. When I was a commoner, I knew only propriety and righteousness and knew nothing of faith and refuge. I slaughtered sentient beings to entertain guests, eating meat according to whatever was served, knowing not the taste of vegetables. When I came to face south and possess the wealth of the realm, rare delicacies from distant lands were presented in unbroken succession, and there was no singular dish from within the seas that was not brought. Platters ten feet square filled the space before me; the hundred flavors brimmed upon the sacrifice tables. Yet just as I was about to eat, I would lay down my chopsticks and weep facing the table, lamenting that I could not provide this nourishing warmth and morning-and-evening care to my parents. How could my heart alone find sweetness in such meals? Because of this, I took to a vegetarian diet and did not consume fish or meat. Although I practiced this internally, I did not let it be known outside. As for banqueting the ministers, the delicacies were served as usual. Not yet accustomed to a vegetable diet, my body became excessively yellow and emaciated. Only then did some in the court gradually come to know of it. Xie Fei, Kong Yanying, and others repeatedly urged me to give up the vegetarian diet; their loyalty was supreme, yet they did not understand my heart. I thought to myself: possessing the realm was originally not my lifelong wish. Du Shu once said, "Cutting open my heart and throwing it to the ground, it is merely a few pieces of flesh." I rely on the perceptive gentleman to understand my original intention. Who knows that I do not covet the realm? I must simply practice what others cannot practice, so that the realm may know my heart. I also ceased sexual relations, no longer dwelling in the same room with concubines and attendants, for over forty years now. At that time, my four limbs were slightly unwell, and I asked the Imperial Medical Bureau masters Liu Chengzhi and Yao Puti about the cause of the illness. Liu Chengzhi said, "I know it is caused by an excess of eating and drinking." I replied to Liu Chengzhi, "When I was a commoner, I indulged my mouth in rich and fatty foods." Liu Chengzhi said, "How could the food that Your Majesty ate in former days match the food of today?" Yao Puti smiled and shook his head, saying, "Only I know: Your Majesty's sexual relations are excessive, and that is why you have reached this state." At that time, I had long ceased eating fish and meat, and had also severed sexual relations. Because their knowledge was not like that of He and Huan, and their skill lacked that of Bian Que and Hua Tuo, I remained silent and did not interrogate them further. Still, I let them treat it. Liu Chengzhi prescribed wine; Yao Puti prescribed pills. After taking them, the illness grew ever more severe. Because they knew nothing, I took no more of their medicines. Consequently, whenever I had an illness, I always devised my own prescriptions and took no medicine from doctors, also for over forty years now. Originally, I was not vigorous in practice. Yet having ceased to eat sentient beings, there is no further killing; this obstruction being removed, and having ceased sexual relations, there is no further obstruction of desire and aversion. With these two obstructions removed, the mental consciousness gradually grew clear, and upon reading internal and external scriptures, I immediately understood and was awakened. From that time on, I began to know where to take refuge. The Liji states: "That a person is calm at birth is the nature of Heaven. Stirred by things and moving, this is the desire of one's nature." When there is movement, the mind is defiled; when there is calm, the mind is pure. Once external movements cease, the internal mind is also illumined. Only then did I awaken to myself, and from nowhere could troubles and entanglements arise. Thereupon I composed this "Rhapsody on Pure Karma."