鐔津文集 7.26

7.26

客問曰。予欲擇交恐傷乎介。予欲汎交恐傷乎雜。中庸曰。天下國家有九經。而朋友之交在其一。詩曰。相彼鳥矣。猶求友聲。矧伊人兮。不求友生。然則予欲無交其可得乎。將交則猶豫於二者不決。吾子為我必。何以處之。曰以人從道則君子擇交。以道從人則君子汎交。以道汎交廣其道也。以人擇交審其道也。傳曰。汎愛眾而親仁。言汎交而推其道也。繫辭曰。定其交而後求。言詳道而從其交也。必有道而後汎交。道不充己而為汎交交必混也。故君子不為混交。必正道而後擇交。道不正己而為擇交。交必徒也。君子不為徒交。郭泰古之賢人也。與屠酤農傭而交之。而泰也不厭其交。蓋有道而推其道者也。伯夷又古之賢人也。與鄉人處如以朝之衣冠坐諸塗炭。望望遠之而不與接。蓋無所質道而自篤其道者也。曰世之以其宜相交者豈一端也。茲曷以正而求其所交之道者也。曰然交之道亂久也。吾嘗懷而未暇辨之。因子今所以盡之也。夫古今人有以勢交者。有以利交者。有以氣交者。有以名交者。以名交則無誠。以氣交則或同惡。以利交利散則絕。以勢交勢去則解。列國之時。王公將相求交於布衣馳騁車馬。趨乎抱關屠肆而不暇。匹夫上交。至有朝雜鬻販之人而暮極富貴。懷金佩玉聲振敵國。終不免家破國亡而所交者反為仇讐。此以名利氣勢相交之敝。而不稽其交道之故也。後世猶以是而相尚。故閭里之人。平時遇於酌酒慷慨皆欲死生以之也。一朝利散勢去。則故牴忤仇讐之隙而生於朋友之好。張耳陳餘蕭育朱博此其效也。是故君子慎交乎此也。孟子曰。友者友其德也。君子之交。相與以義。相正以德。故君子之交久而益善。小人之交久而益欺。君子寧語市道而不言小人之交者也。客忻然而去。

A guest asked: “I wish to be selective in making friends, but I fear being too aloof; I wish to make friends broadly, but I fear being indiscriminate. The *Zhongyong* says: ‘For all under Heaven, in states and families, there are nine standard rules, and the association of friends is one among them.’ The *Book of Odes* says: ‘Look at those birds! Even they seek companions with their cries; how much more so should human beings seek friends!’ That being so, if I wished to have no associations, could that be possible? Yet, intending to make friends, I hesitate between the two choices and cannot decide. Would you, Sir, make a determination for me: how should I manage this?”

I said: “When drawing near to people on the basis of the Way, the exemplary person is selective in making friends; when drawing near to the Way on the basis of people, the exemplary person makes friends broadly. To make friends broadly through the Way broadens one's Way; to be selective in making friends through people examines their Way. The commentary says: ‘Love all broadly and hold close the benevolent’—this speaks of making friends broadly and extending one's Way. The ‘Appended Remarks’ says: ‘Make secure one's associations, and only then seek [assistance]’—this speaks of scrutinizing the Way and then entering into friendship. One must have the Way, and only then make friends broadly; if the Way is not abundant in oneself and yet one makes friends broadly, one's associations will surely be chaotic. Therefore, the exemplary person does not engage in chaotic associations. One must rectify the Way and only then be selective in making friends; if the Way does not rectify oneself and yet one is selective in making friends, one's associations will surely be in vain. The exemplary person does not engage in associations in vain.

Guo Tai was a worthy of antiquity. He associated with butchers, wine-sellers, farmers, and hired laborers, yet Tai was never weary of their company: this was possessing the Way and extending his Way. Bo Yi was also a worthy of antiquity. When dwelling among villagers, he felt as if, wearing court robes and cap, he were sitting in mud and charcoal; he looked aloofly into the distance and would not contact them: this was having no one with whom to test the Way, and so he simply deepened his own Way.

The guest asked: ‘As for people in the world who associate according to expediency, is it of only one kind? How can one rectify this and seek the proper way of friendship?’

I said: ‘Indeed, the way of friendship has been disordered for a long time. I have often pondered it without leisure to discriminate it; thanks to you now, I shall exhaustively explain it. In ancient and modern times, there are those who associate out of power; there are those who associate out of profit; there are those who associate out of temperament; and there are those who associate out of reputation. If one associates out of reputation, there is no sincerity; if one associates out of temperament, one may share in wickedness; if one associates out of profit, once profit disperses, the bond is severed; if one associates out of power, once power departs, the bond dissolves. In the era of the Warring States, princes, dukes, generals, and chancellors sought friendships with commoners, galloping in chariots and horses, rushing to gatekeepers and butcher shops without a moment to spare. Commoners cultivated superiors to such an extent that in the morning they mingled with peddlers, and by evening they attained the pinnacle of wealth and honor, clasping gold, wearing jade, their renown shaking rival states. Yet in the end, they could not escape the destruction of their families and the ruin of their states, while those they befriended turned back to become mortal enemies. This is the harm of associating through reputation, profit, temperament, and power without examining the true way of friendship. Later generations still esteem this, so that people in local neighborhoods meet over wine in ordinary times and passionately vow to share life and death; yet one morning, when profit disperses and power departs, the old rifts of defiance and enmity arise from what was once the fondness of friends. Zhang Er and Chen Yu, Xiao Yu and Zhu Bo—these are the proofs of it. For this reason, the exemplary person is cautious regarding such associations.

Mencius said: ‘To befriend someone is to befriend their virtue.’ The friendship of the exemplary person joins together through righteousness and rectifies one another through virtue; therefore, the friendship of the exemplary person grows ever better over time, whereas the friendship of the petty person grows ever more deceitful over time. The exemplary person would rather speak of the ways of the marketplace than speak of the friendships of petty persons.’ The guest departed with joy.”