Samyuttanikaya 22.9.2.84

22.9.2.84

Dutiye madhurakajāto viyāti sañjātagarubhāvo viya akammañño. Disāpi meti ayaṃ puratthimā ayaṃ dakkhiṇāti evaṃ disāpi mayhaṃ na pakkhāyanti, na pākaṭā hontīti vadati. Dhammāpi maṃ na paṭibhantīti pariyattidhammāpi mayhaṃ na upaṭṭhahanti, uggahitaṃ sajjhāyitaṃ na dissatīti vadati. Vicikicchāti no mahāvicikicchā. Na hi tassa ‘‘sāsanaṃ niyyānikaṃ nu kho, na nu kho’’ti vimati uppajjati. Evaṃ panassa hoti ‘‘sakkhissāmi nu kho samaṇadhammaṃ kātuṃ, udāhu pattacīvaradhāraṇamattameva karissāmī’’ti.

In the second [sutta]: ‘Like one become heavy’ (madhurakajāto viya) means: as if having become heavy, unfit for work. ‘Even the directions [are not clear] to me’ (disāpi me) means: he says, ‘Even the directions are not clear to me, are not evident to me, such that "this is the east, this is the south."’ ‘Even teachings do not occur to me’ (dhammāpi maṃ na paṭibhanti) means: he says, ‘Even the teachings of the scriptures do not present themselves to me; what was learned and recited cannot be seen.’ ‘Doubt’ (vicikicchā) means: not great doubt. For no hesitation arose in him such as: ‘Is the dispensation leading out [to freedom], or is it not?’ Rather, this occurred to him: ‘Will I be able to perform the ascetic's duties, or will I merely continue wearing the bowl and robes?’