Social Life in Ancient India: Studies in Vatsyayana's Kamasutra c8.120

c8.120

Placed in unfavourable circumstances similar to those from which a young man suffers, a maiden may also have to look for a husband herself and Vātsyāyana takes her case also in hand. When a girl though possessed of excellent qualities, is born in a humble family, or even when well-born, is destitute of wealth and is therefore not sought after by her equals, or has been deprived of her parents and is dependent upon her relatives and if she has come of age (*prāpta-yauvanā*), then she should stir herself to arrange her marriage herself.² Here we are reminded of the rule advocated by Manu himself and supported by other sacred books including the *Mahābhārata*, that a damsel should wait three years after reaching puberty, and after that period she may choose for herself a husband befitting her.³ Such a maiden should try to gain over a young man of ability possessed of virtues, and of a handsome look, whose affections she had shared in childhood; or, when she feels assured that a man owing to his passion for her would not hesitate to unite with her even against the consent of his parents, then she may win him over by endearing herself to him and by meeting him often.¹ She may show her skill in the arts, and various other devices² are recommended by Vātsyāyana, who, however, warns a girl against presenting her suit to a man herself, even when she is deeply in love with him, because such conduct brings ruin unto a damsel, so declare the teachers (*ācāryas*) of the *Kāmaśāstra*.³ In another connection also he forbids a man to have anything to do with a woman who herself makes overtures of love openly.⁴ Vātsyāyana also tries to press upon a girl the sage advice that in choosing a husband, she should look for love and not money; "It is better," says he, 'to love a husband who is devoted to her though poor, than a rich man, or one endowed with many virtues, when his affections she would have to share with others'.⁵ When there are several eligible suitors of equal quality, the real suitor is he with whom there is a mutual reciprocation of love⁶.