大慧普覺禪師語錄 25.3

25.3

開頃在長沙，得圜悟老師書，稱公晚歲相從所得甚是奇偉，念之再三，今八年矣。常恨未獲親聞緒餘，惟切景仰。開自幼年發心，參禮知識扣問此事，弱冠之後，即為婚宦所役，用工夫不純，因循至今老矣，未有所聞，常自愧歎。然而立志發願，實不在淺淺知見之問，以為不悟則已，悟則須直到古人親證處，方為大休歇之地。此心雖未嘗一念退屈，自覺工夫終未純一，可謂志願大而力量小也。向者，痛懇圜悟老師，老師示以法語六段，其初直示此事，後舉雲門趙州放下著、須彌山兩則因緣，令下鈍工，常自舉覺，久久必有入處，老婆心切如此，其奈鈍滯太甚。今幸私家塵緣都畢，閑居無他事，政在痛自鞭策以償初志，第恨未得親炙教誨耳。一生敗闕己一一呈似，必能洞照此心，望委曲提警，日用當如何做工夫，庶幾不涉他途，徑與本地相契也。如此說話，敗闕亦不少，但方投誠自難隱逃，良可愍故，至扣。

Some time ago when I, Kai, was in Changsha, I received a letter from Master Yuanwu praising your late-life attainments through following him as extremely extraordinary and magnificent. Thinking of it again and again, it has now been eight years. I have always regretted not having personally heard the rest of his teachings, harboring only deep admiration. From my youth I made the resolution to visit spiritual friends to inquire into this matter. After coming of age, I was burdened by family and office, so my application of effort was not pure. Dragging on until now, I have grown old without any attainment, always lamenting this with self-reproach. Yet my aspiration and vow were truly not confined to shallow views: I thought that if I did not awaken, so be it, but if I did awaken, I must reach the ancient masters' realm of personal realization before it could be the place of great rest. Although this mind has never shrunk back for a single thought-moment, I feel that my effort has never been pure and unified; it can be said that my vow is great but my strength is small. Formerly, I earnestly implored Master Yuanwu, and the Master instructed me with six sections of dharma words. At first, he directly pointed to this matter, and later brought up the two cases of Yunmen and Zhaozhou's 'put it down' and 'Mount Sumeru,' instructing me to apply clumsy effort, constantly recalling them to awareness, saying that in time there would surely be an entry. His grandmotherly mind was so earnest, yet how could it help that my dullness and stagnation were so extreme? Now, fortunately, my personal worldly ties are all finished, and I live in leisure without other concerns; this is the very time to spur myself on painfully to fulfill my original vow, only regretting that I have not received your personal instruction. The blunders of my whole life have all been presented to you; you will surely perceive this mind clearly. I hope you will provide me with detailed reminders and alerts on how to apply effort in daily activities, so that I may not stray into other paths, but directly tally with the original ground. Speaking like this also contains many blunders, but having just laid bare my sincerity, it is difficult to hide; out of your great pity, I knock at your door for instruction.