大慧普覺禪師語錄 25.3

25.3

Some time ago when I, Kai, was in Changsha, I received a letter from Master Yuanwu praising your late-life attainments through following him as extremely extraordinary and magnificent. Thinking of it again and again, it has now been eight years. I have always regretted not having personally heard the rest of his teachings, harboring only deep admiration. From my youth I made the resolution to visit spiritual friends to inquire into this matter. After coming of age, I was burdened by family and office, so my application of effort was not pure. Dragging on until now, I have grown old without any attainment, always lamenting this with self-reproach. Yet my aspiration and vow were truly not confined to shallow views: I thought that if I did not awaken, so be it, but if I did awaken, I must reach the ancient masters' realm of personal realization before it could be the place of great rest. Although this mind has never shrunk back for a single thought-moment, I feel that my effort has never been pure and unified; it can be said that my vow is great but my strength is small. Formerly, I earnestly implored Master Yuanwu, and the Master instructed me with six sections of dharma words. At first, he directly pointed to this matter, and later brought up the two cases of Yunmen and Zhaozhou's 'put it down' and 'Mount Sumeru,' instructing me to apply clumsy effort, constantly recalling them to awareness, saying that in time there would surely be an entry. His grandmotherly mind was so earnest, yet how could it help that my dullness and stagnation were so extreme? Now, fortunately, my personal worldly ties are all finished, and I live in leisure without other concerns; this is the very time to spur myself on painfully to fulfill my original vow, only regretting that I have not received your personal instruction. The blunders of my whole life have all been presented to you; you will surely perceive this mind clearly. I hope you will provide me with detailed reminders and alerts on how to apply effort in daily activities, so that I may not stray into other paths, but directly tally with the original ground. Speaking like this also contains many blunders, but having just laid bare my sincerity, it is difficult to hide; out of your great pity, I knock at your door for instruction.