禪關策進 1.30

1.30

某年二十。知有此事。至三十二。請益十七八員長老。問他做工夫。都無端的。後參皖山長老。教看無字。十二時中。要惺惺如猫捕鼠。如鷄抱卵。無令間斷。未透徹時。如鼠咬棺材。不可移易。如此做去。定有發明時節。於是晝夜孜孜體究經十八日。吃茶次。忽會得世尊拈花迦葉微咲。不勝歡喜。求決三四員長老。俱無一語。或教只以海印三昧一印印定。餘俱莫管。便信此說。過了二載。景定五年六月。在四川重慶府。患痢晝夜百次。危劇瀕死。全不得力。海印三昧。也用不得。從前解會的。也用不得。有口說不得。有身動不得。有死而已。業緣境界。俱時現前。怕怖慞惶。眾苦交逼。遂強作主宰。分付後事。高著蒲團。裝一爐香。徐起坐定默禱三寶龍天。悔過從前諸不善業。若大限當盡。願承般若力。正念托生。早早出家。若得病愈。便棄俗為僧。早得悟明。廣度後學。作此願已。提箇無字。回光自看。未久之間。臟腑三四回動。只不管他。良久眼皮不動。又良久。不見有身。只話頭不絕。至晚方起。病退一半。復坐至三更四點。諸病盡退。身心輕安。八月至江陵落髮。一年起單行脚。途中炊飯。悟得工夫須是一氣做成。不可斷續。到黃龍歸堂。第一次睡魔來時。就座抖擻精神。輕輕敵退。第二次亦如是退。第三次睡魔重時。下地禮拜消遣。再上蒲團。規式已定。便趁此時。打併睡魔。初用枕短睡。後用臂。後不放倒身。過二三夜。日夜皆倦。脚下浮逼逼地。忽然眼前如黑雲開。自身如新浴出。一般清快。心下疑團愈盛。不著用力。綿綿現前。一切聲色五欲八風。皆入不得。清淨如銀盆盛雪相似。如秋空氣肅相似。却思工夫雖好。無可決擇。起單入浙。在路辛苦。工夫退失。至承天孤蟾和尚處歸堂。自誓未得悟明。斷不起單。月餘工夫復舊。其時遍身生瘡亦不顧。捨命趁逐工夫。自然得力。又做得病中工夫。因赴齋出門。提話頭而行不覺。行過齋家。又做得動中工。夫到此却似透水月華。急灘之上亂波之中。觸不散。蕩不失。活鱍鱍地。三月初六日坐中。正舉無字。首座入堂燒香。打香盒作聲。忽然㘞地一聲。識得自己。捉敗趙州。遂頌云。沒興路頭窮。踏翻波是水。超群老趙州。面目只如此。秋間臨安見雪巖．退耕．石坑．虛舟．諸大老。舟勸往皖山。山問。光明寂照遍河沙。豈不是張拙秀才語。某開口。山便喝出。自此行坐飲食皆無意思。經六箇月。次年春。因出城回。上石梯子。忽然胸次疑礙氷釋。不知有身在路上行。乃見山。山又問前語。某便掀倒禪床。却將從前數則。極誵訛公案。一一曉了。諸仁者。參禪大須仔細。山僧若不得重慶一病。幾乎虛度。要緊在遇正知見人。所以古人朝參暮請。決擇身心。孜孜切切。究明此事。

When I was twenty, I knew of this matter. By thirty-two, I had sought instruction from seventeen or eighteen elders, asking them about applying effort; none gave a definitive word. Later I investigated with Elder Wanshan, who instructed me to inspect the character Wu: during the twelve periods of the day, one must be alert like a cat catching a mouse, like a hen brooding over an egg, without letting it be interrupted; when not yet fully penetrated, one must be like a rat gnawing on a coffin, never shifting or changing. If you apply effort in this manner, there will surely come a time of realization. Thereupon, day and night I diligently investigated for eighteen days. While drinking tea, I suddenly understood the Bhagavat holding up the flower and Mahākāśyapa faintly smiling. Overjoyed beyond measure, I sought resolution from three or four elders, but none of them uttered a single word. Some instructed me merely to seal it firmly with the seal of the ocean-imprint samādhi, paying no heed to anything else. I believed this explanation. Two years passed. In the sixth month of the fifth year of Jingding, while at Chongqing Prefecture in Sichuan, I suffered from dysentery a hundred times a day and night, critically ill and on the verge of death; [my practice] offered no strength at all. The ocean-imprint samādhi was also of no use; what I had previously understood was also of no use. Having a mouth, I could not speak; having a body, I could not move; there was only death. Karmic conditions and realms all manifested at once. Terrified and panic-stricken, all manner of sufferings pressed in together. I then forced myself to take charge and arranged my final affairs. Raising my meditation cushion high, I lit a burner of incense, slowly rose, sat firmly, and silently prayed to the Three Jewels, dragons, and devas, repenting all previous unwholesome karma: 'If my allotted lifespan must end, may I, relying on the power of prajñā, take rebirth with correct mindfulness and quickly leave home. If I recover from this illness, I will abandon secular life to become a monk, quickly attain awakening, and widely ferry later students.' Having made this vow, I brought to attention the character Wu and turned the light back to look into myself. Before long, my bowels moved three or four times, but I simply paid them no heed. After a long while, my eyelids did not move. After another long while, I no longer perceived having a body; only the huatou continued unbroken. Only by evening did I rise; the illness had receded by half. I sat again until the fourth drum of the third watch: all illness receded completely, and body and mind were light and tranquil. In the eighth month, I went to Jiangling to have my head shaved. After one year, I packed my robes to go on pilgrimage. Cooking rice along the way, I awakened to the fact that effort must be made in one continuous breath, without interruption. Arriving at Huanglong, I entered the hall. When the demon of sleep first came, I bestirred my spirit right on my seat and lightly repulsed it. The second time, I repulsed it in the same way. The third time, when the demon of sleep was heavy, I got down to the floor and did prostrations to dispel it. Going back up onto the cushion, the routine was established, and taking advantage of this moment, I fought off the demon of sleep. At first, I used a pillow for a short sleep, later used my arm, and later did not lie down at all. After two or three nights, I was exhausted day and night, my feet floating insecurely beneath me. Suddenly, as if black clouds parted before my eyes, my body felt as if newly emerged from a bath, extraordinarily fresh and delightful. The doubt-mass in my mind grew even stronger, without needing to exert force, continuously appearing before me. All sounds, forms, the five desires, and the eight winds could not enter at all; it was pure as snow held in a silver basin, like the autumn sky when the air is crisp. Yet I thought that although the effort was good, there was no one to resolve it for me. I packed my robes and entered Zhejiang. Hardships on the road caused my practice to backslide. Arriving at Chengtian where Master Guchan was, I entered the hall, vowing to myself that without attaining awakening, I would definitely not pack my robes to leave. In a little over a month, the practice returned to its former state. At that time sores broke out over my whole body, yet I disregarded them, giving up my life to pursue the practice, which naturally gained strength. I was also able to apply effort in the midst of illness. Once, leaving the gate to attend a vegetarian feast, I brought the huatou to attention and walked without noticing, walking right past the host's house; thus I was also able to apply effort in the midst of activity. Reaching this point was like moonlight penetrating water: amid the swift rapids and chaotic waves, it was not scattered by touches, nor lost to turbulent tossing, completely vibrant and alive. On the sixth day of the third month, while sitting and just raising the character Wu, the head monk entered the hall to burn incense and made a sound striking the incense box. Suddenly, with a 'huo!' sound, I recognized myself and captured Old Zhaozhou. Thereupon I chanted a verse: 'Deprived of luck, the road comes to its end; / Treading the waves upside-down, it is just water. / Outstanding Old Zhaozhou, / His face is just like this!' In autumn, at Lin'an I met such great elders as Xuelan, Tuigeng, Shikeng, and Xuzhou. Zhou advised me to go to Wanshan. Shan asked: ''The luminous light quietly illuminates across sands of the River'—is this not the phrase of Scholar Zhang Zhuo?' As soon as I opened my mouth, Shan shouted me out. From then on, walking, sitting, eating, and drinking were all devoid of relish. Six months passed. In the spring of the next year, returning from outside the city, as I climbed the stone steps, suddenly the doubts and obstacles in my chest melted away like ice; I was unaware of having a body walking on the road. I then went to see Shan. Shan asked the previous phrase again, and I overturned his meditation platform, and understood one by one several of the most perplexing gongan from the past. Benevolent ones, in Chan investigation one must be extremely meticulous. If this mountain monk had not contracted that one illness in Chongqing, I would almost have spent my life in vain. The crucial point lies in meeting a person of correct view. Therefore, the ancients sought instruction morning and evening to resolve body and mind, diligently and earnestly investigating this matter to clarity.