Muntakhab al-tawarikh 79.29.2

79.29.2

So for the space of two or three months I did much running in the service of the Court, all the time hoping for a release from confusion. And for a time I wrote some formal petitions, to which I got no answer, and so it became necessary that (P. 401) I should take my departure. And the Inward Monitor said this:— “If thou put thy hand to anything, I will put a chain on thy hand. I will drown thee in a butt of wine, If thou mention the name of sobriety.” On the night of the last of the blessed month of Ramazan of this year, when Çadr Jahān asked the Emperor, what order should be given with respect to my dismissal? he replied: “He has business to do here, and every now and then I shall have some service for him to perform, produce me some one else.” But the omniscience of God (praise be to Him Most High!), and His will (glorious is His Majesty!) did not coincide with this intention, and I do not know what is best to do in this uncertainty and very gadfly’s condition: “Thou takest me from thine own door to the door of the rival, Then thou sayest, why dost thou go to the door of the rival? I have wandered for years in search of thy good face, Show thy face, and deliver me from this wandering.”