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The Position of Women in Hindu Civilisation, from Prehistoric Times to the Present Day c7.s4: The Settlement of Marriage

The Position of Women in Hindu Civilisation, from Prehistoric Times to the Present Day c7.s4

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English

The Settlement of Marriage

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Let us now see what part the bride took in the settlement of the her marriage. It naturally varied. in different periods. In early times when brides were 16 or 17 at the time of their marriage, they had a more or less effective voice in the selection of their partners in life. The Vedic literature does not refer to parents controlling the marriages of their sons and daughters, though they must doubtless have played an important part in arranging and financing them. On the other hand we have references to beautiful brides selecting their own husbands². Kshatriya circles in society even conceded to grown-up brides the exclusive right of selecting their own consorts, as is proved by the custom of Svayaṁvara or self-choice.

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² भद्रा वधूर्भवति यत्सुपेशाः स्वयं सा मित्रं कृणुते जने चित् ।

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The Svayaṁvara marriages of Sāvitrī, Damayantī and Rukmiṇī are well-known¹. In later times when the custom of early marriages came into vogue, the Svayaṁvara custom naturally died down. Girls of 8 or 9 could hardly be expected to make any intelligent choice. We find that *Agnipurāṇā* tolerates the custom², but *Brahmapurāṇā* definitely disapproves of it³. Post-puberty marriages were in vogue in Kshatriya circles down to the middle ages, and hence Svayaṁvara custom survived there till the 12th century A. D. Hence it is referred to in Samskrit poems and dramas, which mostly deal with the life in royal and aristocratic families.

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¹ It is often customary to refer to the marriages of Sītā and Draupadī as having taken place by Svayaṁvara. This is, however, a mistake. The selection of the husband in their cases depended, not upon their choice, but upon the ability of the suitor to satisfy the specific conditions previously laid down.

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² **अदण्डया स्त्री भवेद्ध्रज्ञा वरयन्ती स्वयं पतिम् ।** 226, 41.

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³ **यस्माद्वृतवती चेयं पतीन्पितृमती सती ।** **स्वतंत्रा धर्ममुत्सृज्य तस्माद्भवतु निम्नगा ॥** Chp. 219.

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When society had conceded to grown up brides the right to choose their own husbands, it was but natural that love marriages, arranged by the parties themselves, should have taken place with fair frequency. Some theorists went to the extent of advocating that it is not the father or the mother, but the bride herself, who has the right of giving herself away in marriage¹. This theory did not find general acceptance, but forward girls like Devayānī of Kuraṅgī took full advantage of it and proposed themselves. Sometimes love marriages were consummated before the performance of the ritual; these were known as Gāndharva marriages; we have discussed them already before (*ante*. pp. 50-2).

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¹ See for instance, the arguments of Dushyanta and Sūrya to Śakuntalā and Kuntī respectively when trying to win them over:—

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Details of how love marriages were usually arranged can be gathered from Sanskrit drama and fiction and the *Kāmasūtras* of Vātsyāyana. The Dharmaśāstra literature is silent on the topic, partly because it disapproved of Gāndharva marriages, and partly because most of it was composed when child marriages had come into vogue rendering love unions impossible. References in Vedic literature to lovers yearning for each other, moving in each other's company, exchanging mutual presents, using spells for ensuring reciprocal affection have been already given, (*ante*, pp. 58-9) and they will enable the reader to get some idea of how love marriages used to take place at that time. The most detailed and circumstantial description is to be found in the *Kāmasūtras* of Vātsyāyana (III, 5). Love would start with the accidental meeting of the parties in a garden or a show. Sometimes these meetings used to be deliberately brought about by their friends or guardians, who were anxious to see them

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**आत्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव गतिरात्मैव चात्मनः ।**
**आत्मनैवात्मनो दानं कर्तुमर्हसि धर्मतः ।** *Mbh.*, I, 94,24.
**न ते पिता न ते माता गुरवो वा शुचिस्मिते ।**
**प्रभवन्ति प्रदाने ते भद्रं ते शृणु मे वचः ।** *Ibid*, III, 3, 8.

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united in wedlock. When once the hearts were stirred, the passion became stronger by subsequent meetings and associations. The girl would go to see her lover with her friends and vice versa. The parties would often play together and go to see a show or a fair in each other’s company. The lover would tell stories to his sweet-heart, and the latter would play music for the recreation of the former. Both would often go togther for sport in water at the time of bath. On such occasions they were usually accompanied by some friends or trusted servants. Mutual exchange of gifts was a normal procedure. A confession of love followed in course of time and it was tested by pretended illness. In some cases the parties would unite together and the formal marriage would follow with the consent of the elders, which was always presumed. Usually, however, even in love marriages, brides did not regard themselves free to take the final step, as they felt that such a procedure would smack of disrespect to their parents.¹ They would urge their lovers to make the formal proposal to their guardians, as they were confident of its outcome. Thus Suvarchalā confessed to Śvetaketu that she had fallen in love with him, but asked him to make the formal request to her father.² A heroine in the *Kathāsaritsāgara*, with abashment writ large on her face, prayed her lover to open the topic to her father, as she did not feel free to give herself away¹. This procedure was no doubt an improvement over the alternative one, whereunder the bride took the final step on her own responsibility. The known love of a grown up daughter would naturally induce the father to give his consent, even if he may not be very enthusiastic about the proposed union. If he felt that the match was unsuitable, he would usually take steps at an earlier stage to discourage the growing intimacy, and thus prevent the marriage.

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¹ मा भूतस कालो दुर्मेधः पितरं सत्यवादिनम् । अवमन्य स्वधर्मेण स्वयंबरमुपास्महे ॥ Rāmāyaṇa, I, 32, 20.

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² मनसापि वृतो विद्वन् शेषकर्ता पिता मम । वृणीष्व पितरं मह्यमेष वेदविधिः स्मृतः ॥ XII, 224, 38.

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¹ तयाऽप्यूचे स विनमद्वक्त्रया मुनिपुंगवः । एषा यदीच्छा भवतो नर्मलापो न चेदयम् ॥ तद्देव ताता नृपतिः पिता मे याच्यतामिति ॥ 27, 81-2.

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It is difficult to say how many marriages were preceded by courtship as above described during the time when post-puberty marriages prevailed. The percentage of such love marriages, however, was probably not very high. They seem to have been confined to Kshatriya and well-to-do classes. In the vast majority of cases, even when parties were quite grown up, their marriages were usually arranged by parents, of course with due regard to their desires expressed or implied. Such, for instance, is usually seen to be the case in Jātaka stories. The father, and more particularly the mother, were anxious to find out whether their choice met with the approval of their daughters or not. In many stories of the *Kathāsaritsāgara*, parents are seen anxiously enquiring which of the bridegrooms tentatively selected by them met with their daughters’ approval².

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² एषां चतुर्णां वर्णानां पुत्र कोऽभिमतस्तव । 52, 108.

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When from *c.* 200 A. D. child marriages became the order of the day, the state of affairs changed. Girls of 10 or 12 were incapable of exercising any choice worth the name, and so the whole responsibility gradually fell upon the father. The Hindu father has been always trying to discharge this responsibility with a solicitude, that has justly become proverbial. He passes sleepless nights when his daughter approaches the marriageable age. He does not mind even the insults that he has sometimes to pocket while searching for a proper son-in-law. In order to secure a very desirable match, he often spends much more than what is the legitimate share of his daughter in the ancestral property. If she is very young, he cannot have the benefit of her mature views; but his wife’s guidance in the matter usually ensures a selection that meets with his daughter’s approval, when grown up. Long association with each other before the rise of sex consciousness usually results in a genuine mutual attachment between the couple.

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In the absence of the father, the responsibility of arranging the marriage would devolve upon the grand-father, brother or uncle of the daughter. The mother is usually placed last in the list of marriage guardians, the reason being that she was not usually the administratrix of her husband’s property. Being a widow she had no facilities to take an initiative in the matter. In the final selection of the son-in-law, her voice, however, counted a good deal.

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The dowry system did not stand as an impediment in daughter’s marriage in ancient India. In prehistoric times women were regarded as chattel and so it was the bride’s father, and not the bridegroom’s, who was regarded as justified in demanding a payment at the time of marriage. The bridegroom carried away the bride and deprived her family of her services. He could not have dreamt of demanding a further dowry or donation. Such a request, if ever made, would have been summarily turned down as preposterously unreasonable. The wife in these early times used to get no proprietary rights in her husband’s family. Nor had her father-in-law to provide any expensive education to her husband.

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Dowry system, therefore, was generally unknown in early societies, and the same was the case with ancient Hindus. In rich and royal families some gifts used to be given to sons-in-law at the time of marriage. Thus the Atharvaveda once incidentally refers to royal brides, bringing with them the dowry of a hundred cows¹. Draupadī, Subhadrā and Uttarā also brought with them rich presents of horses, elephants and jewels at the time when they left their parents’ homes after their marriages. In *Raghuvaṁśa* (VII, 32) we find the king of Vidarbha sending handsome presents with his sister Indumatī at the time of her departure with her husband after her marriage. These presents, however, can hardly be called dowries, for they were voluntarily made after the marriage out of pure affection. There are no references either in Smṛitis or in dramas to the dowry, *i. e.*, to a pre-nuptial contract of payment made by the bride’s father with the bridegroom or his guardian. If the custom had prevailed to anything like its present extent, it would have been very vehemently condemned by Smṛiti writers like the counter custom of the bride-price. We meet with no such condemnation. Smṛitis, no doubt, recommend that the bride should be given in marriage along with suitable ornaments, but their number and price is left entirely to the discretion and ability of the bride’s father. A pre-nuptial contract in this respect is neither contemplated nor countenanced.

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¹ नास्य जाया शतवाही कल्याणी तल्पमाशये । *V*, 17, 12. In अश्रवं हि भूरिदावत्तरा वा विजामातुरुत घा वा स्यालात् । (*R. V.*, I, 109, 2.) the generosity of a brother-in-law is extoled. There may be a possible reference here to a brother giving a handsome dowry for his sister; but this interpretation is by no means free from doubt.

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The dowry system is connected with the conception of marriage as a *dāna* or gift. A religious gift in kind is usually accompanied by a gift in cash or gold. So the gift of the bride also was accompanied by a formal and small gift in cash or ornaments. The amount of this gift was a nominal one for a long time, and did not create any impediment in the settlement of marriage. It is only in medieval times and in Rajputana that we find the dowry system assuming alarming proportions. This, however, happened only in the case of royal and aristocratic families. The extraordinary pride, which the Rajputs took in their ancestry, was mainly responsible for this development. A Rajput youth of the bluest blood would be desired as a son-in-law by a large number of people, and so his price in the marriage market would sore high. The dowry system had become a positive evil of great magnitude in Rajputana from about the 13th or 14th century A. D.

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In ordinary families, however, the amount of the dowry was a nominal one. It was a voluntary gift of pure affection and presented no impediment in the settlement of the daughter's marriage till the middle of the 19th century. It is only during the last 50 or 60 years that the amount of the dowry has begun to assume scandalous proportions. A good education, a lucrative appointment, or a good footing in a learned profession improved enormously the social and economic position of a youth, and made him immensely attractive as a son-in-law. He naturally acquired a high price in the marriage market. There were no such factors in the pre-British period, when society was mostly agricultural and government appointments were not so lucrative as they are at present. So naturally anything like the present scandalous dowry system did not exist. It is now high time for Hindu society to put an end to this evil custom, which has driven many an innocent maiden to commit suicide. There are signs to show that this custom is becoming unpopular and odious, but public opinion must assert itself more emphatically. The youth must rise in rebellion against it. The custom is really as heinous as the counter custom of bride-price, which has been so vehemently condemned by our culture. Proper female education, marriages at an advanced age, mainly settled by the parties themselves, and the awakening of the public conscience seem to be the only remedies that will eventually stamp out the custom.

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For a long time astrological considerations like the tallying of horoscopes played no part in the settlement of marriage. Gṛihya Sūtras and Dharma Sūtras nowhere suggest or recommend that horoscopes of the parties to be married should be consulted before deciding upon their marriage. The reason is quite simple. In their days the science of astrology was quite in its infancy and had yet to evolve or borrow the zodiacal signs. Complicated horoscopes of the modern type did not exist and had not to be consulted down to about 400 A. D. From the dramas of Bhāsa it appears that astrologers of the 3rd century A. D. were only concerned about the auspiciousness of the marriage day. Certain lunar mansions (*nakshatras*) were regarded as auspicious and parents used to take the precaution of celebrating marriages on their days. Astrology played no further part in the marriage ceremony. The science, however, made rapid progress during the period 400-900 A. D.; it then began to play an important part in the making and breaking of matches. Horoscopes came into vogue at this time and began to be consulted at the settlement of marriage.

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